Here is the link to my storybook site! I hope you enjoy looking at it and seeing how the design and content changes throughout the weeks!
This is Corpus Christi College in Cambridge, it served as inspiration for my story! Web Source
Monday, August 22, 2016
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Hey guys! My name is Katie Nichols and I am a senior, public relations major! I am also a freshman in the gaylord 4 + 1 program! I am so excited to get feedback and read your posts!
Here is the link to my storybook site! I hope you enjoy looking at it and seeing how the design and content changes throughout the weeks!
This is Corpus Christi College in Cambridge, it served as inspiration for my story! Web Source
Here is the link to my storybook site! I hope you enjoy looking at it and seeing how the design and content changes throughout the weeks!
This is Corpus Christi College in Cambridge, it served as inspiration for my story! Web Source
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Hey katie,
ReplyDeleteI really really enjoyed reading your storybook introduction, It has honestly probably been my favorite one so far. First, I really loved how your cover page already painted out the picture of a college setting. Honestly when I first saw that picture of the Corpus Christi College, I thought it was Hogwarts. But I think its a really good setting to pick for your storybook. I loved how you had each of your characters talk and give a sort of introduction based on what kind of monster they are and their tendencies. Honestly I had to look up what a fae was cause I didnt realize that it was short for fairie. But I thought your introduction for each monster was super funny and I'm really excited to see how each of their stories develop. Keep up the good work!
Hey Katie,
ReplyDeleteI hope you find this criticism helpful to improving your storybook introduction.
For starters, I really like the idea for your storybook. Your story will be full of strange characters and their interactions should be even stranger. It actually sounds like a pretty good idea for a kid's cartoon show or something.
In the introductory letter, it wasn't clear to me that Elite University was a school full of monsters. The only clue that someone might have been able to take is that the dean's letter talked about diversity and inclusion, which Vincent later complains about in his bio. I'm not sure if that was your intention, but it was a little confusing for me because I had to reframe my view of the world that you were creating.
Your monsters seem to be fairly unique in personality as well. I liked that you described some of the typical characteristics of some of the monsters, but also added a teenager's issues to it, like popularity at school and making friends. It makes theses monsters relateable.
Joe
Hi Katie, this is so creative! I am extremely impressed. Your letter at the beginning reminds me a lot of when I received my OU acceptance letter! It was a great idea to start with the acceptance letter to kind of set the scene. I think it is hilarious that they are all various creatures! They are not your normal creatures either. I am excited to see how their first semester goes at Elite University. I think you will have an awesome time writing this storybook. I can’t wait to read more of it! I definitely think talking about their roommate experience will be something interesting. How are all of these creatures going to survive in one room? I think since you have such a creative idea you will have a lot of room to mess around with! I am excited to see the finished product. Your pieces are so easy and wonderful to read!
ReplyDeleteHey Katie,
ReplyDeleteI am a senior PR student in gaylord, so I look forward to you using my critiques to progress your writing talent within your story.
Below are my comments for your storybook introduction:
The wow part of your introduction came with this way you opened it as if it were a welcoming letter to the university. I think this detail is really going to help your audience connect with the characters more by seeing the tone that has been set by the college. Typically, people look toward characters to find the imagery of their environment, but you personified the school with this letter. Well done.
I think the wording of your introductory letter is perfect, but I would try to avoid contractions like "couldn't". It's best to just write it out.
Another Wow moment while reading the little parts by the characters. I appears that you have put in some good work and thought into creating the characters personalities based on the mythological stereotypes. I enjoy that you kind of broke down the stereotypes as well through demonstrating their thoughts, such as "...scared that I'm going to open up my mouth and lead them to their watery deaths". It's even better with the amount of wit coming from each character "That wouldn't be the 'way of the Fae'."
You did an awesome job of creating the characters, the setting and the scene. The way that you take this old mythological/magical characters of old times and make them more 21st century is very well done. Their attitudes are on point.
For your future writing, I would advise breaking up the book and telling it from the perspective of each character. I'm not sure what direction you are heading in exactly just yet. But I think if you broke up the story and told it in each perspective, it will create more work but allow the audience to really engaged in an individual characters perspectives. If you decide to write it with each character involved, be mindful of being able to separate it our so the audience is able to engage in each character.
If you wanted to focus on one character, I think that would be excellent as well. Especially since this intro allowed the audience readers to understand the thought process and personalities of each character.
Best of luck! Looking forward to your writing.
Hey Katie, I really enjoyed taking a look at your storybook. I found it to be the most unique setup that I have seen so far. Your introduction jumps right into the theme and I like that. It forces me as the reader to start trying to catch up or figure out what the story is immediately to catch up. In addition, the background of your site very well compliments your theme of the elite. Even the text on the notebook paper is a cool touch. I can tell that you have been in some good thought on the presentation of your storybook. Lastly, I found it a neat touch how you included testimonials from the different students who would be attending. This will really give great perspective on their personalities while telling the story. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to seeing how your story book progresses throughout the semester.
ReplyDeleteHey Katie, I think your storybook idea seems so cool! I haven't seen anything like it yet. The layout you chose was perfect. I thought the introduction was really fun to read. The welcome letter read just like it should, and I loved getting to have a glimpse into all your different characters minds. I think that breaking it up into the different sections made it way more fun and easy to read. Great job with the creativity.
ReplyDeleteI thought Move In Day was an awesome first story as well. I like that you did the room assignments at the beginning. I think you should continue to incorporate little college documents like these and the letter into all your stories. I wish I could've gotten to see some of the other characters in this first story as well, but I know they'll come later and I can't wait! Thanks for sharing such a fun storybook.
I like how you have a link to the comment wall on the introduction. It seems so useful; I might have to put a link on my storybook somewhere too. I like how each character has a little background given to readers in the introduction. It allows us to know a little background of them.
ReplyDeleteFor the girls’ move-in day, I thought that they were not going to get along during Evie’s part, but it looks like they are getting along well when Brea reassesses the situation. Overall, your story is fun, nice, and refreshing. What you have written is very enjoyable so far. I like reading the thoughts of each character. It allows readers to understand each character and their struggles. Your idea of having the girls overcome stereotypes is amazing. I cannot wait to see what they will do.
I wonder what if you changed the spacing of the rooming assignments section. It will look similar to the rest of the page. Or you can even put it in picture form to show that the picture is the paper that was in Evie’s hand in the beginning. Also, since you are talking about the girls for this page, you can move the boys’ room numbers to the page where you write about their move-in day. However, if you are not thinking of writing a move-in day for them, then it would make sense for you to keep it on this page.
Having a basic outline of each character in the introduction so that we can get to know each person a little better before ever stepping into the stories is a great idea. It's also useful to look out for small nuances in your story that coincide with little character quirks that you use to bring them to life.
ReplyDeleteUsing the different points of view to tell the story is great as well. I thought it was funny that your banshee left clothes scattered around the room in order to scare her future roommate away, however, it's a great way to humanize her character.
In the future you may consider changing the scene whenever you change character POVs. It's not that big of a deal, but that way instead of just hashing out the same situation with a different character, you can find a new setting that really brings that certain character's sentiments out. You could switch up your initial story and have the two girls go to the cafeteria a little awkward around one another. However, once they realize that they may be treated similarly because of stereotypes they bond. Just a suggestion! Great story, I'll be back to read more!
Your story book is really amazing. Your character set up and premise are all so well done and I honestly cannot wait to find out what happens to everyone.
ReplyDeleteI was drawn to your story because the description reminded me of a book series, Beautiful Creatures, that I love. But this idea is so awesome and you did a wonderful job of making it all your own.
Your use of pictures is possibly my favorite aspect of the stories because they really give emphasis to what is going on at the time.
The only thing I really have to say is, I would have loved dialogue between the boys, but it's also not necessary.
I really look forward to reading the rest of your stories and finding out what happens when all these kids meet, because I think that is where this story is heading, or at least I hope that is the case. Really great job!
Hi Katie! I really enjoyed your Storybook. It was a great idea to create a school where all of these creatures come together to interact. I thought it was really funny when you mentioned it is hard for Evie to get a date due to the stereotypes about her. I wonder if they are able to break away from their stereotypes. I also wonder if they end up getting along as roommates. What if you gave some future details before moving on to two new characters? This would be nice to wrap up those two girls’ stories and give us some closure. Other than that, I like how you are using different scenarios (move in day and first week of school) to tell stories about different characters. I think this is a better way to tell the stories than doing move in day for each character. I look forward to learning about more characters at this school.
ReplyDeleteHi Katie!.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your storybook! I loved the introduction! It really grabbed my attention and made me want to read the stories you wrote. The way you introduced each of the characters and gave us a little bit of insight into who they are was really unique! The layout and background of the site was perfect for your theme of college. The only think I would suggest is keeping the font the same throughout to give it a little bit more unity.
I read both stories you have written so far and like them both! You gave us a little perspective on how each character is feeling on move in day and the first day of class. My favorite were the pictures you attached. I liked how instead of choosing typical picture off the internet, you put effort in to create emails and text message and attach those as the pictures. I can't wait to read more of the stories you create!
This is very creative and really really relatable, which is definitely a plus. I think everyone reading these stories will find a moment in the characters' college experiences that they too have experienced. I know I did! That made it very easy to read, and made me want to read more!! So yay!
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you used some dialogue in the story with the girls, and then showed it from both of their perspectives. This is one of my favorite things when it's used in a book or novel, so I really enjoyed seeing it here. I wonder if you could incorporate some dialogue into the boys' side, as well? I think it helps us see some character development, especially in this time when they're getting to each other in a place that's new to all of the characters.
Other than that, I applaud you on developing four distinct personalities between the characters. I look forward to reading more!
When opening your page I can really feel the college vibe. I really love the photo you picked. The style of your site fits very well with your theme.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction feel like I just logged into a University website and it's great. It was a very net idea how you wrote a small back story for four separate characters that will eventually be interacting with each other.
Nice way of setting up the settings. It's almost like a film script. "She was taller than my five feet three inches" this sentence kinda through me off a little bit. Did you mean she was taller by five foot three inches or was she taller then the siren who was five foot three inches. The picture at the end of your first story was a very nice touch. I actually laughed out loud reading it.
The character development in each section is very strong. I can fully understand what each one is feeling. I like that you did this. The touch of technology at the end of each story is very nice. I can't wait to read more of your stories! Nice Job!
Hi Katie!
ReplyDeleteI think your storybook is really interesting! I really liked how you structured the introduction. The welcoming letter to the students really sets the setting for your storybook. I also think the short introductions of each character is a great way to introduce them to the readers and give the readers an idea of what type of person they are.
In your first story, you did a great job at showing how each person felt. I can definitely relate to how they felt because during my freshmen year, many of those same thoughts also ran through my mind. I also liked how you talked about only two characters in the first story and then the other two in the next story. It creates two different scenes to this storybook, which makes it really interesting.
Overall, great job!
Hi Katie. Just like everyone else I loved your introduction. I think it was a very smart way of introducing your character and the setting that the story will be set in. I thought you did a great job at the descriptions of the characters and appreciate you explaining them before as an introduction. I haven't been a freshmen in awhile, but you did a great job capturing the emotions and heart behind the crazy time that is freshmen year. I think you should keep up how you are planning these stories. Continue to have simpler stories with a few characters rather than multiple at a time. This gives you the ability to bring us in emotionally to each of the characters.
ReplyDeleteHi Katie!
ReplyDeleteI like how you have that quote on your introduction page. It adds an extra layer to the buildup of the story. I like that you chose the outline that makes the pages look like paper. It goes really well with the theme of your stories. What a cool idea! To take all of these totally different “creatures” and put them together in a school setting. I like that you created a defined personality for each of the characters you talked about in your intro. “I am living with a banshee”. I feel that way sometimes with my siblings. I really like the way that you gave the background of the characters. You also do a really good job using descriptions to make the story come to life. I love how you added that image of the texting! Perfect. My only suggestion would be that if you wanted to, in the introduction, you could make it sound more like a admissions letter. I love your storybook so far! Very creative and kept me reading.
First off, the layout for your storybook site is perfect: combined with the spot-on welcome message in your introduction, it really does give the impression that this is an actual school out there somewhere. I’ve seen some universities run blogs where they get a handful of students to contribute posts as a sort of “Year in the Life” kind of thing, too, and your concept here fits nicely with that.
ReplyDeleteAs for the students themselves, you’ve done a great job of setting them all up with different personalities and perspectives. The amount of thought you’ve put into each character and getting into their heads really shows, especially in great details like the conflict the introduction promises between Brea and Evie. Because of the similarities of their power types, it makes sense that they’d understand each other and get along—but I love that you’ve dug deeper and found the resentment there, which makes even more sense.
With your move-in story, you might want to read back through it again, because it jumps back and forth between present tense and past tense a bit. But I love your use of Brea’s text messages as your photo, and the way you worked in their mythologies was quite interesting. I enjoyed seeing the dynamic start to develop between your leads, and I’ll be curious to come back and see if the girls’ and guys’ paths end up intersecting too. Nice job!
Katie, your storybook is really awesome! I like that you have chosen characters that most people do not know a lot about. Vampires are pretty popular, but I think you have given them a unique light as well. As for the others, I like that you added some background and told us where they come from and why they act the way they do. I especially liked your first story, the one about move-in. When I was reading it I was flashing back to my freshman year, even though that seems like a lifetime ago. Freshman year is so hard and scary so I liked reading about other characters feeling those same emotions. Your writing was very well and I did not notice any mistakes. I liked how the characters had the dialogue of a typical 18 year old girl because that helped me go back to my teenager days and remember what that was like.
ReplyDeleteI really loved your storybook and especially the dual narrative style. I think it's very creative and we get to see just what's going on in everyone's mind.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to be antagonistic but I hope you consider this seriously. Gypsy is a slur for the Romani people. It was used against them by western europeaners who thought that they came from Egypt and then systematically targeted them for abuse. It's okay to not know that but you should replace all instances of Gypsy in your story with Romani. The story you got your vampire fable from is also very old, long before anyone cared what Romani people had to say about themselves.
To get back to your story, I loved your concept of putting together people who are often stereotyped and unlikely to get along together to show that they, in fact, can get along. However, I did expect there to be a little more confrontation at first. I like that they are able to work through their differences but I think it would have been more powerful if they were more standoffish, less immediately friendly with each other. Then we could see how they progressed by learning to set aside stereotypes and become friends. I am interested to see what you do with the rest of your story though.
Your idea for this storybook is very interesting. Combining all the mythical creators from different cultures is an adventurous approach. By reading your introduction, I felt like I have a gleam on each character’s personality and mindset. It seemed like all of them are struggled with their magical identity. You did very well in expressing and defining each character’s personality. This made me excited to read how these characters interact. The images of text and email are the good touch to the story because it supported the theme of the story very well. I wished you have added the images of each character like bansee and fae. I didn’t know about these two creatures. I think including the images will help readers like me to envision these characters. One small thing, your fonts in your stories and your introduction are not the same. It’s just a visual thing. In addition to that, the author’s note for first story is too small and not consistent to the second story. Overall, I really like your storybook. I think it will be interesting if the two girls date the two guys. Just saying!
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job with your introduction, and I think it was a nice idea to make it sort of like an acceptance letter! I also enjoyed the little sections with each character’s thoughts. It really gives you a glimpse into their personalities! I also think it’s great that your storybook is also trying to show people overcoming stereotypes. That’s something that everyone needs to do, especially with everything that’s gone on recently. You have a powerful message and I’m really enjoying all the stories you’ve written so far. The little text and email images you included added a nice element that made the world you’ve built even more tangible. The historical background given for each monster is a nice touch too. I liked that they were actively trying to be better people and break out of their stereotypes.
ReplyDeleteBesides that I love the little details you’ve given to your characters, and I think it shows that you really enjoy writing them! (I like your idea of giving Vincent a bird tattoo a lot!) Good luck with the rest of your storybook, and I can’t wait to read the rest!
What a fun storybook!!
ReplyDeleteThe introduction was very cool. The layout was great and I like how you go into each of the characters thoughts. I never would have thought to do that. It makes it very personable. I felt as if I was reading someones diary and just something about reading someone else diary makes it so much more intriguing. You made the stories more modern and present day which was nice. I was able to adapt to each character in different ways. I kept remembering my fist week at college while reading your story and it made it easier to follow and keep interest. The little add ins of the iMessage and email are great, It added a visual that went so well with your story and they both were also very realistic. Very good job!!
Hi Katie,
ReplyDeleteI have to say I loved the idea for your storybook! Being able to pull creatures and characters from so many different regions and centralize them through your stories is a commendable task to say the least. Your introduction was exactly what I needed as a reader: thoughtful description of each character's personality and possible motivators. You did a wonderful job in expressing and defining each character’s personality. Ultimately, your writing made me excited to read about these characters' adventures.
The images of text and email are the good touch to the story because it supported the theme of the story very well. I wished you have added the images of each character like bansee and fae. Even though I am familiar with these creatures it might be helpful to for other readers to have a reference image. As a small piece of advice I would recommend, your fonts in your stories and your introduction are not the same. I wasn't sure if you were trying to create a theme with each page or going for more cohesiveness? Otherwise, I found your first and second stories' writing was great! Overall, I really enjoyed your storybook and cannot wait to read more of your pieces!
Belle
Katie,
ReplyDeleteI love the college setting for a place where different characters and stories coexist. Very creative! I really enjoyed the character insights in the introduction. You did a great job of making me understand their personality traits through their thoughts and actions in their own words. You are a talented descriptive writer. We can already tell that there is going to be some drama as the characters get to know each other. I like how you created real life tension of meeting a new roommate for the first time. It is going to take a minute for them to get comfortable with one another, and so the first exchange is a bit awkward, just like real life. It's cool that they start talking about common misconceptions about their kind based on myths, and they bond over their misunderstandings. One note: "She shook her head excitedly" makes me think she shook her head "no". Maybe you could say "She nodded her head excitedly." It's a small distinction, but I think it will communicate the agreement more clearly. All in all I really like your concept and writing. I look forward to reading more of your work!
Thorpe
Hey Katie!
ReplyDeleteThe last time I looked at your storybook project was like October, and I still love your storybook! It definitelly been my favorite one and the most fun to read. The two stories that you added are awesome. I love how you really develope the attitude and personality of your characters based on what characters they are. And i like the background you have on why they act the way they do such as the sirens and vampires. I also like how the humor you incorporate in your stories, like the joke about pirate movies portraying sirens as evil creatures. That made me laugh. Anyways keep up the good work and I cant wait to read your last story!
Hey Katie!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the introduction and Move In Day I have to say I really like how you chose to frame this storybook. Using college as the background to tell these separate creatures stories was a great idea. The whole point of university is bringing different people together in order to learn and grow from one another. It rings true in the normal world too that at college a lot of stereotypes are broken down as you get to interact more with different kinds of people. I think that it's interesting that Brea the banshee purposely made the room messy in order to scare off her unexacting roommate. Never thought of that trick before! I also REALLY like that you included that screen shot of a text between Brea and her mom. It made the story more realistic to me. I wonder if Vincent and Gavin will have as smooth a time getting to know each other as the girls did. Keep up the great work!
I loved reading your portfolio a while back so I am excited to be able to read it again and see all of the changes you have made so far. I think you have done a great job channeling the voices of the characters and making them really come to life for the reader. I think you could use more descriptions of what the scenes look like so that the reader can visualize the story better. You should also consider adding dialog to the stories. I think what is so great about this story is that everyone who is reading it (besides our teacher) is in college right now and many of us probably didn’t have the best roommate situation at some point. We also are all on the same page with some of the family stuff that you have going on in the story. I think that is a great way for the readers to connect to the story… when they are currently living it. Great job and good luck with the rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteKatie, I had fun reading this. I think your concept of bringing together a bunch of different magical creatures to attend college in the same place is really cool. There are a couple of things that I think you did really well. First of all, your images were great. The ones that are form real life colleges add such an element of reality and modernity to your stories. Also, the ones that you made yourself on your phone? Brilliant! Those are so great. I love how you did that so that they would really and truly illustrate your story well. I also loved your humor, like when the banshee is so mad she could scream, or it’s hard for sirens to date, or Gavin mentally high-fiving himself. Also, the way you split up the stories into two different points of view is really great. I love getting the different perspectives! Overall, great job! I hope you add more!
ReplyDeleteI love how you gave all your characters a distinct personality starting in the introduction. It even gives some foreshadowing to who is rooming with who! I was sad that you weren’t able to include every character’s tale in each of the stories, but I understand that they might have gone over the word limit if all of them were included. I like all the backstory on the different creatures, like the irish for Banshees and the greek for Sirens. The Vampires had a more in depth explanation for the Wells family, but I liked it. I was surprised that fairies wanted to eradicate the vampires, but I haven’t looked into the history of that race. I liked how you were going to merge the two groups together, possibly for a third story, and have them both be in this traditions thing. It reminds me of UCOL for our freshmen year.
ReplyDelete