10/26/2045
Once Upon a Time . . .
Just kidding. I would like to tell you that this is your
average fairy tale, but its not. I’m not a princess or a damsel in distress;
I’m just a girl, who bad things keep happening to.
Hi my name is Jade. I am your run of the mill
eighteen-year-old. When I was younger my mother died in a car crash. Years
later my father got remarried to the most awful women on the face of the Earth.
You might think I’m exaggerating, but she makes Voldemort seem like a kitten. My
dad and the monster were married for a year when he went missing. He went to
work in the morning and never came back. The police said he ran, but I know
better. My dad would never leave my brothers and I behind. Luckily for me I
have three amazing brothers who have watched out for me my entire life. They
take the role of an overbearing older brother to a completely new level. This
can be annoying, but after losing so many people in my life, it’s a welcomed
pain. When I turned eighteen my life flipped upside-down. I was still searching
for my father who had been gone five years by now and I was about to find out
that my brothers weren’t who I thought they were. Turns out, having all this
crappy stuff happen in your life, means you qualify to get a fairy-god mother.
However, it seems that they were short staffed and instead my brothers became
by fairy-god brothers. It was a bit of a shock for all of us. To this day I
joke that every time they come near me they have to wear a tutu and leggings
(warning: never day this to your older brother)
My eighteenth birthday was also a blessing because it meant
that I got to join my brothers at the University and get away from the
she-devil. My freshman year was going great until I got a text from an unknown
number. All it said was “Come find me.” It was super ominous and I forgot about
it until the next week at the same time I received the same text. After
consulting my brothers we concluded that it could be our long-lost daddy
calling to us for help. Even though I
knew he would never run off on us, it’s hard to not be somewhat mad at him for
disappearing.
Long story short, I knew there could only be one person
behind is disappearance and Ill give you one guess as to who that is: my
monster of a stepmother. Christmas break is coming up and while I dread going
home, I am excited to see what clues I can find at her house. I know that she
is behind this and now all I need is to prove it.
Thank goodness my brothers now have magic powers. While we
still haven’t figured out what all they can do, I know I will need them when I
go back into her house. No one is safe in that house and I’m determined to
reveal her as the monster she is.
A diary holds many secrets. Web Source
Author’s Note: For my readings this week I read the marriage
tales of the Native American people. These stories feature first hand accounts
of the trials of marriage. To stick with this theme of a first person account I
made my story into a diary entry. I didn’t want to make it too obvious that she
was writing in a diary because I didn’t want that to be the main focus of my
story. I also made her the daughter rather than the wife because I feel like
kids are given a unique perspective on marriage by watching their parents. As
most diary entries are day by day I knew that my story wouldn’t have a
resolution, so I will give it to you here! She finds out that her stepmom
kidnapped the dad and if she kept him long enough she would gain Jades inheritance.
The stepmother, who had been hiding the father at her parent’s house, had conspired
with her parents to steal Jades money from her trust fund. This was a spin on
the black-widow stories.
Bibliography: Readings from Tales of North American Indians by Stith Thompson.
The opening to this is perfect because after reading your introduction, I pick up a lot of your personality in this "run of the mill" girl.
ReplyDeleteI was definitely wow'd with the line of "a welcomed pain", beautifully said.
The ending to this was rushed. The opening to this story was very grand and elaborate, but the ending to this really died off. I would work on developing your timeline more so in your head, and how you can demonstrate that in your writing. I wrote a story similar to this once and what helped me was really trying to focus in on one part of my story's timeline instead of speeding through and passing all the juice that lay within once part of the story.
Another great story! It was funny and relatable and I felt like I was right there with her. I like that you combined multiple different famous fairy tale factors into your story while also keeping it unique and your own. Your writing was creative and detailed and I was able to follow along to the whole thing. I laughed at the part about her brothers being fairy god brothers. I have an older brother and I can only imagine what he would do to me if I made fun of him or joked about him wearing a skirt. Great story, I hope I have time to read more before the semester is up!
ReplyDeleteI think you have a really good voice here! It's definitely someone who's relatable, which makes it easy to read. You definitely set up the story beautifully, with the sad backstory of her mother dying and her dad going missing. The end kind of wrapped up very abruptly, but I see it as a stylistic choice. I think this is a unique way to retell this story, and I have to say bravo!!
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